September 25, 2022

First with the Alderney News

Sunday 7th June

1 min read


If I ever find the bird or slug that ate my strawberry, it’s dead. I hope it tasted terrible.

Today is proving challenging.

As I got out of bed to make my morning tray of tea, I was forced to accept that a lot of my major muscle masses were somewhat painful.

In fact, this is a level of discomfort that I have rarely experienced. I don’t think it’s ok to shout “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” every time you go to bend your legs to sit down but I can’t seem to stop doing it. It’s like a gremlin has taken over my speech.

I am also making groaning noises when I stand up. Slightly less embarrassing.

Worse still, the sweary shouty thing shouldn’t be done too close to an open window because it makes elderly female passers-by upset. Sorry.

I’m going to ask Zoe if I can do the easier routine. The one designed for 80 years and above. I’m sure she’ll understand.

Jigsaws are the perfect remedy for sore muscles.

Gin helps too.

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