October 22, 2021

First with the Alderney News

Friday June 12th

2 min read

E Day

Oh my giddy god. I am allowed out today and to celebrate am going to partake of gin and tonic at friends followed by dinner out. Must remember to use publicly acceptable eating habits, not quarantine scoffing.

It is not ok to tuck your napkin into your collar and forgo the cutlery. Or to lick your plate, even if nobody is looking. Belching in company is, as ever, a step too far.

Must also remember to get dressed in real clothes, wear a real bra, have a wash.

Oh crap, I have to put makeup on. Do not overdo it and go out looking like Whatever Happened to Baby Jane on acid. Blusher is applied to the apple of the cheeks with care. I hope the mascara doesn’t make my eyes water so I end up looking like Alice Cooper.

What the hell am I going to wear? It seems, that in my panicky haste to get to the airport to begin this adventure, I omitted to pack anything that matches or fits. I also only have trainers or sandals and it’s a filthy day here. So it’s go looking like a middle aged sporting disaster or a new age elderly, sandal wearing loser. Awesome.

Hang on……………….. MY HAIR. MY HAIR. MY HAIR. MY HAIR. MY HAIR. MY HAIR. ETC.

18.00

As Mahatma Gandhi so eloquently said: “Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes” Nailed that one MG.

Onwards and upwards. See you on the flip side.

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